the guy in front of me walked into a post and i was so busy laughing that i walked into the same post
we’re going for coffee tomorrow morning
one thing i hate is when parents refuse to let their kid(s) dye their hair
who’s fucking hair is it??????? is iT THE FAMILY HAIR?????????
I wonder if Effie would lie awake at night thinking about what would have happened if she had only moved her hand slightly to the left or right when picking a name
a pizza boy stands in the kitchen groaning at the night shift he has to work at when he could be watching the oscars but then suddenly the phone rings and his eyes light up at the words “hello this is ellen and i’ll need 99 boxes of pizza delivered to the dolby theatre asap”
this world is so fucked up like one of my friends has carpeting in his bathroom instead of tile like how can someone hate themselves that much